Pants on the Ground

Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin’ like a fool with your pants on the ground.

You may remember “General” Larry Platt from the ninth season of American Idol. He’s a civil and political rights activist and rapper who gained fame with his performance of “Pants on the Ground”.

It seems in recent years, the manufacturers of ladies pants have decided in their infinite wisdom, that 2% spandex should be part of the fabric content of all styles and sizes of jeans. These pants look so fabulously flattering when you try them on, you’d think you died and went to fashion heaven. You gladly spend your hard-earned bucks to add them to your wardrobe and plan your next night out to show off your butt in your marvelous new jeans.

Your evening begins with dinner at a restaurant. After you finish dinner and stand up to leave, you notice your pants are starting to droop. Let’s give them a little hitch while no one’s looking. There, all better. As you walk to the car, you notice your pants sliding down again. The night wears on and your perfect pants are slipping down to your underwear, bagging in the butt, and bunching in the legs. Sound familiar?

I’ve been trying on pants for about two years now without finding a decent solution to the “pants on the ground” problem. Wear a belt, you say? Yes, I do wear a belt, but I also prefer to wear my tops untucked. Even with the flattest belt buckle I could find, I still had a protrusion on my belly like some misshapen outie belly-button.

I had blamed my problem on my body shape until I asked Google, “Why do my pants fall down?” Much to my relief, I discovered that there were lots of other people of all shapes and sizes with the same issue. My pragmatic solution to the pants on the ground problem would be to fix the garment itself; for example, reducing or removing the spandex component. But the fashion industry has taken a different approach to resolve this major dilemma and by doing so will sell you yet another product to fix the issue created by the first product.

I now own the No Buckle Elastic Belt for Women and Men and it does keep my pants from falling down. They’ve even provided a metal ring for when my belt loops rip off from the pressure.